just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
