Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
