I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
