girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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