Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
