When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
