I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
