I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
