If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
