I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
