Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
