If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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