10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Please don't give away my fajitas
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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