We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize