My brain says no but my pants say off.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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