she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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