hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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