so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
