3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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