After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
