Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
