My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
