; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
