I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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