i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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