how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
