His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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