I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
