At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
