I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
