Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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