i would punch a child for taco bell
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
