Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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