He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
