I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
