Pants 0. Shit 1.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
