apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
