Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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