We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
