im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My vagina just clenched in fear
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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