I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
