So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
