just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
