Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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