He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
