i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize