apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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