he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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