I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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