i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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