Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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