I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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