god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
