Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
