Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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