My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
