Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Small penises have feelings too.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize