Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
