Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
