The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
