The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
