I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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