A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
