All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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