The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
