While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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