btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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