Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize