Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
