ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
