It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
