Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
