I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
organizing the empties. That sober.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
